I’ve often heard the quote “time heals all wounds.” Before I experienced the death of my beloved son, I probably would have agreed with this, to a degree. As we mature and have life experiences, we can usually look back on hard times and see evidence of growth and maturity in many areas. As days and months march forward, and the world seems to continue its normal procession, it is human nature to have a desire to put the past behind us, and to once again, resume “ordinary” life when we have been struck with tragedy.
But as the two year mark of my son’s leaving rapidly approaches, this mantra is one I have great issue with—it is just different when the death of someone so connected to you is suddenly GONE!
What healing looks like from person to person and its timeframe varies greatly. As time has passed, I have asked myself, wouldn’t “healing” mean forgetting? Wouldn’t moving forward mean leaving my beloved in the past, so their absence doesn’t seem to hurt quite so much?
I think this is a fallacy we are conditioned to believe, and it could be no further from the truth. A better way to phrase it may be to say that the relationship changes. I can no longer see, talk to, hear, touch, or create special moments with my loved one, but what I cling to are memories, and opportunities to honor his life. He goes with me everywhere.
The article titled “Does Time Heal All Wounds?” by David Fireman, LCWS with griefcounselor.org, has some very helpful insight into the question of whether time alone helps heal our broken hearts and uncertain future, whether in grief or personal growth issues.
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It seems impossible that it will soon be two years! I miss him so much!