Permission, yes.

I started a new job with the YMCA 18 months after I lost my husband. The job that I accepted was in membership. My responsibilities were to greet the members with an enthusiastic smile, check them in, and sign up new members. I asked myself over and over again.. “Can I really greet each member with a smile when I wanted to cry? Could I learn the computer technology when my mind was still foggy?” The monster “grief” was still very present in my life and it was the voice I heard telling me that I couldn’t. But, I learned early in the healing process to be gentle with myself. Self love gave me permission to try something and if it doesn’t work for me, regroup and start again. So with permission in hand, I started the new job. I greeted each member with a smile even when I wanted to cry at that moment or yell at someone to listen to my pain. I engaged in conversations (probably too much) and was strengthened by others stories. I learned the computer entry process albeit not well! It was a huge personal success and a giant leap toward healing.

My lessons: Many, but one…Giving myself permission to try something new but letting go of it if it’s not working.

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