Goals & Grief

There are so many things that change in our lives when we are new to this grief journey.  Very few of those seem positive, and we long for who we were, and the comfortable, familiar rhythm of our “before.”  

One thing I am just waking up to, as I am making my way through the fog and regaining some semblance of who I used to be, is the pleasure and satisfaction I gained from having goals; writing them down and seeing them through was rewarding, to be sure! Even a simple check list with everyday  tasks, once ticked off, can make me feel accomplished. 

Brush teeth—

Brush hair—

Fix coffee—

Take medicine—

Pay bills—

But when your world crashes in around you, and your beloved one is suddenly gone, and life makes no sense(perhaps for weeks, months, even years,)achievements and goals might mean very little. 

Our brains are on halt; on survival mode.  And it is totally acceptable to give our mind and spirit the down time it needs. But, it is obvious this is not a healthy or desirable place to linger forever. 

Recently, a good friend, who very much inspired this subject today, said this:  

“Goals give structure. Structure gives designed purpose. Purpose gives hope. Hope feeds healing.” JRG 

These goals don’t have to be just the simple day by day doings, but think long term—what can I turn my focus on this week, this month?  With school resuming soon, many parents find this a key time for such reflection. As the summer draws to a close, perhaps projects at home need winding up. 

Believe me—I KNOW how hard it is to “snap out of it,” to even contemplate a life lived at ALL without your beloved.  But be open to the hope that moving forward is possible—we will not leave them behind—they are always with us!  Perhaps professional or medical help is needed—there is no shame in that!  Please ask for help. 

The following post might nudge you into taking that next step, and we are always here for you at FHGR! 


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