It’s that time of year again, folks. The time of year, when we gather more often with family and friends, often whether we like it or not! The holidays tend to be a time when boundaries are tested and pushed, and occasionally run over. Once upon a time, I didn’t think a thing about the importance of boundaries during grief. Now that I am in the throes of this grief journey, being aware of my own emotional and mental health needs has become just as important as any physical health need. Just like I should feed my body fruits and vegetables and plenty of water, I know that I should be attending to my spirit, more aware and considerate of my heart and mental health.
Chances are, having boundaries during grief is something you never thought about before. The importance of setting grief boundaries (defining a specific space between you and other people) may be the most healthy and gracious thing we can do for not only ourselves, but also those we come in contact with, whether on a daily basis or during the holidays or special events.
Why do we need boundaries during grief? Grief changes what we can give and what we can hold. Boundaries help us protect what little energy we have left and remind us that it’s OK to put ourselves first right now. They are not about shutting people out – they are about creating space to breathe, to heal, and to simply be. Your time, emotions, and peace matter and it’s OK to guard them tenderly.
When we are grieving, there are areas that demand boundaries – privacy, time, emotions, and belongings. If there has been enmity between you and another person in any of these areas, consider erecting some boundaries. We should be in a considerate state of examination of our own mental health, and taking care of ourselves so that we can be of service to others around us!
So how do we do this? Setting boundaries can feel both simple and overwhelming, especially while grieving. At its heart, a boundary is just a way of protecting your time, energy, and emotions. We have to start by being clear with ourselves about what we need and why. The next step is to communicate as gently as possible, our boundary to others and decide how we will honor it. It may be uncomfortable, but that’s natural.
Some boundaries are as simple as saying “no.“ We don’t need to explain ourselves if we don’t want to!
These small, clear boundaries can give us space to breathe, rest, and heal. There will be occasions where someone continues to cross our boundaries, And we have to be OK with stating what will happen if it continues. Sharing our reasons can help some people understand, but we have to remember: we don’t owe anyone a full explanation! Our needs are valid, even if other people don’t fully get them.
Grief shifts, and boundaries may, too. They will need adjusting, and we may need to seek support if holding them feels hard and impossible. Boundaries are act of self-respect – they protect our heart as we navigate our grief.
Another important thing to remember is that every relationship will disappoint us at sometime. But Jesus never will! He is the perfect savior, our perfect father and confidante, and we are all his imperfect people just learning to love like Him.
If you need help during this season of grief, please reach out via our Contact Us form. Or call (502) 791-9938 and schedule your free visit.