Grief has settled into my bones—a constant, cold, unwanted companion. There is no explanation sufficient to express how sad that makes me.
Not only am I struck by the grief of my loss, but I am also brought low by THAT realization-that this unsought for emotion is as familiar as my own reflection.
I really don’t know if I have experienced all the “stages” yet. It seems to be a round and round carousel of different levels and types of sorrow, anger, and disbelief. They literally bleed into each other, day in and day out. How is it, that it seems some folks are able to put their feelings into nice boxes and queues; able to push the emotions down and away, while others (like me) almost wallow and have taken grief on (unwillingly) as a reluctant companion? It doesn’t have a thing to do with my faith in God or a Supreme Being. My beliefs are strong and long lived, based on an Eternal Truth. Maybe it really is as simple as believing that since we’ve loved deeply, our grief furrows are more acute. Or maybe we must accept that we are all different, do this thing differently, and there is no right or wrong way.
I just know it sucks.
What do you think?
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