As the dreaded day grows closer, I am struck by the thought that it never feels the same from year to year. I always enter the month with added anxiety about how I’m going to feel and what I will do to recognize the day, if at all. I am referencing my eldest sons’ death date; this one will be number four. Initially, I felt pressured to make a big deal about his birthday and other “anniversary” dates, but as time has forged ahead, I’ve learned to handle this ridiculous tragedy however I feel like handling it, and to ignore the toxic positivity some folks insist on forcing on us.
Our society does a good job of trying to gloss over any grief or sorrow an individual might be feeling after the loss of someone they love. They usually don’t view these dreaded days the same way we do. We cannot ignore the magnification of feelings during these “special” days, though. We also might need to consider other family members and their emotions during these hard mile markers.
The podcast linked below discusses the decision whether or not to even acknowledge or participate in the dreaded day or event. We can be proactive and plan ways to cope with (or even celebrate) the expected and unexpected grief triggers experienced on these days.
Whether these anniversaries end up better than expected, or worse than hoped for, having support and having a plan for the day is key.
If there is anything we at FHGR can do to help, please call (502) 791-9938 or contact us.