When someone we love passes away, the timeline of our lives is split into two distinct areas:
BEFORE and AFTER.
I have experienced the loss of grandparents, parents, siblings, aunts and uncles, cousins. But I feel the harshest evidence of how crushed we really are, is even more pronounced when a child dies.
I look back at my life BEFORE, and see a person who was much more organized and capable of focus. I could also multitask like nobody’s business! I homeschool(ed) all 3 of my sons, so being able to skim a book, make lesson plans, and type up questions for a quiz was commonplace…not anymore. If I can read a paragraph without having to go back to the beginning to clarify what I just read, it’s a good day! I also ran a physically demanding cleaning business, took care of the needs of my family and home, too.
Where did she go, that superwoman?
The AFTER person I became (and still sometimes wrestle with) is not someone I recognize. I may second guess my choices, and many times, avoid decision-making because of my inability to really concentrate. Even hobbies and occasional guilty pleasures hold little enticement. My “I just don’t care” takes a front seat.
Am I alone here???
Maybe some find rolling back into the routine and at least appear to enjoy life a little easier that others. But for many of us, it takes a bit longer. Maybe even a lifetime of struggle is inevitable.
But I’m not ready or willing to accept this anticipated future of woe! Change is possible—life can be sweet again—we do have more to live for! It’s up to you and me to find that grit—that “want to” needed to move forward. We are not leaving your beloved behind! Our relationship has changed—but our bond continues. They walk with us as we pick up the pieces of our broken hearts, providing the glue to hold it all together. Dare to envision this journey in that way!
It’s up to you…
(This article goes into greater detail about “continuing bonds,” and I found it very helpful and comforting. I hope you do, too!)