He was standing in the kitchen when he spoke some of the most profound words I’ve heard him say:  “I hate it when people say ‘I’m sorry’!”  He repeated it three times. It was out of the blue, but it led to a needed discussion about the somber world we live in as those who have experienced deep loss.  

My son is the youngest of three, barely sixteen years old, and has endured heartache and tragedy like few his age; profound words from him are nothing new. He is very intelligent, has a very soft heart, and his faith in GOD is real. But he lives daily with the reminder that he won’t see his older brother here on earth again, and that life will never be the same. Gone is the innocence of that tender age. His life has been wrecked with uncertainty, questions, and wondering what in the world might happen next. He hopped from that grief, to watching his mother shrink into chronic illness and disability, to his father having a heart attack. It’s been a rough five years. It doesn’t seem fair, and he has had to mature very quickly. 

His comments about disliking the phrase “I’m sorry” didn’t come from nowhere. He hears it often, and as you know, the words become hollow and meaningless after hearing it one too many times. They are no longer profound words. We ALL struggle with the right words to speak and what to do when someone dies. 

What do I tell him? I tell him that I agree completely! I hate it, too; but in our culture of toxic positivity, it’s tough.  Folks react by pushing down expressions of sorrow, and thereby making those who just can’t see the good in life feel inept and somehow wrong. 

We cannot manifest good feelings without help. We cannot teach others how to speak better unless we ourselves are willing to listen and learn.  

This is yet another reason it is important to surround ourselves with folks who have been through what we have.  Community, fellowship, gathering…whatever we call it, kinship in the name of grief and sorrow can make a huge difference in our ability to move through this season with a little more ease. It is unity under the umbrella of loss—and there are lots of ways to tap into that help in our area. 

Please make sure you check our website and social media pages often to keep up with local meetings and events. On Facebook and Instagram, you can search “First Hour Grief” and find us. Like, follow, and share, as they say!  

We are always here to listen. We offer group and one on one grief coaching sessions. You do not have to do this alone! 

The one minute video below gave me some help this week. Please watch!

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